Welcome to My Blog - I Honestly Don't Know...

Did you know I've kept a journal since 1994? Yeah, I know what you're thinking:

"Scott, wtf would a child possibly have to write about at age 5?"

Well, I wrote about sleepovers, my friends, what I wanted for Christmas and even a few things I worried about (yup, anxiety started early for me).

I truly started writing in a journal in 2012 when a relationship ended, fun mixups with medication came about and I hit the bottom (or what I thought was the bottom until 2020 ;)

I have hundreds and hundreds of pages of writing since then and always enjoyed writing out my thoughts, worries, dreams, to do's, ideas and plans for adventure. 

I'll release some kind of video in the future to those who have supported my work with Depression to Expression as well as others who are curious to know about where I've been the past year or so. My speaking is far better than my writing to express what's happened and is happening so stay tuned!

That being said, in summary, I'm in transition in career and personal life and I don't know which way to go. There are so many paths to walk down and so much to discover. It can be overwhelming as the "dizziness of freedom" creates anxiety, paralysis and self-doubt. 

The weight of decisions seems to get heavier as we get older don't they? Not too hard to choose a chocolate bar at age 10, but at age 32? Is that chocolate bar really worth it?

While I look into new career paths, new opportunities for learning, travel and creative expression, I thought I would just write. I'll write whenever I feel the want or need and simply hit the post button. 

I'm still consulting with an incredible organization with the most caring and loving people in the world. I did about 50 talks this year to businesses and schools across Canada and continued mentoring a few clients. But I just know something will shift and change. 

The topic of mental health has been such a burden and blessing to speak about since 2014 but the conversation needs to change for me to continue to offer something useful and be of service to others. This year has opened up an entirely different world to my eyes and I still don't quite know how to explain it yet. 

Sooooo......

No work of mine I've put online has ever been so careless and ill prepared but so what? Someone might read, or maybe no one. It's been a long time since I did something truly for me, so why not start with this little blog. 

This may turn into something, it may turn into nothing and vanish. I may discover I love writing about a specific topic and the blog will revolve around specific ideas or genres. 

I don't know. I just really don't know. 

I've been learning that spirituality is the relationship we all have with that harsh reality of not knowing and never being able to know. The mystery of it all is a tough one to swallow at times. 

So if I'm being honest, for one of the first times in my life, I have no idea what I'm doing. I have no idea where I'm going. I have no idea what I want or to be still or keep moving. However...

As strange as it sounds, I'm okay with all that. At this moment, I truly am. A strange feeling that everything will be okay and it will all come in due time. 

I'd rather be someone who is confident in not knowing, rather than trying to be someone who claims to know all. And yeah, I've always wanted to be the one who knows all and shows the world he knows all. But change is a luxury and everything that has happened this year has told me change is needed. 

I'm already well over a year into this ride and I haven't shared much yet but if you want to tag along with me and discover the path together, I'd love to have you with me. 

Thanks for reading and make sure you're subscribed to my newsletter so you don't miss. . .whatever I'll send you. Finally, a surprise in your inbox 😆.

Scott Ste Marie